I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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