I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
