Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
