Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
