i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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