the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
