I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
