Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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