If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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