Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
