What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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