we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
