did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
