btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
