Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
