we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
