Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
