i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your cock deserves a montage
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
