every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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