I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
