Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
