If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You are a genius and a whore.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
