ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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