I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
