I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
