Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Randomize
