Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
