His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
