you guys were way drunker than both of me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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