hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
