gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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