So drunk its hurt
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Send help, water and tortillas.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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