Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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