I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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