I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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