great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
