This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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