i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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