you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
