Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
