i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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