I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
