thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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