is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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