I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love having hate sex.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
