I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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