What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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