Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
