Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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