well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
