I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
