For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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