I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
