remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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